My little brother just called me, which is weird. We rarely talk. I adore his children, but for the most part we don't get along. Lately when we see eachother, when I go to hug him, he hugs me back... which is awesome. A lot of that has happened since Dad got sick. We only had eachother really.

So today he called, asked me how I like my new car (which he picked out for me) We talked a little bit, talked about the kids, about what medications we're both currently taking (him for a serious sinus infection, me for the bronchitis) We talked about the next time I'd be home and about plans for thanksgiving. He's not sure he'd be able to make it up here with the kids, depends on what plans Natalie's mother has. I'd really like to have him here.

Before he hung up, I said "Love you, Bud" (my nickname for him, which ironicly is my dad's nickname from his siblings) And he replied "Love you too"

And it's true. As much as we argue and have different views on the world, when it comes down to it, we're siblings, no matter how fucked up that happened and when the chips are down, we're here for each other, regardless of our world views.

My father's death and funeral pointed that out to the both of us. There I was defending my brother's right to call my dad his father so I was attacked instead, and he was there for me, following me out of the funeral home to hug me and tell me that it's all bullshit and it doesn't matter who biologically created us. He was OUR dad. He loved us both, and we loved him, and that's all that mattered. My brother and I held on to eachother, holding one another up at the graveside service, crying and squeezing eachother.

I have this thing about family. Not just biological or legal family, but chosen/intentional family as well. Example: My father's family is legal family, but hardly included in my chosen/intentional family. My brother is. Sam is. Hell, Shane is. Family. It's all about who you would protect to the best of your ability, who you would defend with all that you have. It's not at all about blood. Granted, some of my "family" is blood. But my blood "family" are the ones that have gone through an awful lot with me. My brother helped me get dressed for my first date. I used to pin his jeans and do his hair for Friday night rollerskating. We went through our parents' divorce and our mother's remarriage together. We helped eachother survive our father's death. As much as we fight, I still love him.

Family means so much to me. I wish I had a way to explain it. It's not about blood or history or heritage. It's about love, loyalty and protecting one another. I'm as fierce as a lioness protecting her cubs if you mess with my family. Intentional or otherwise.